How to Save a Life
by BlackWolfOfBlueMoon
Summary: What happens when Ludwig gives himself to the enemy in place of his brother? How far will Ludwig go to get back without unleashing his greatest power and darkest weakness? Will Ivan be able to save him before Ludwig changes? NOT FOR KIDDIES. You have been warned. LudwigxIvan Contains violence, cursing, and yaoi in later chapters. Gott I suck at summaries... I own nothing plz reveiw
1. He's Gone

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or characters. (If I did there would be a ton of yaoi)

Warrning: not for kiddies. If you are a kiddie I would advise you to turn back before you are scarred for life. Contains Violence, language, and yaoi in later chapters (and also possibly character death) Well, here it is: my first fanfiction. Plz don't hate me if it sucks I really did try. I apologize in advance if: you are annoyed by my lack of mental power and gramar issues, I make Ludwig look like a wuss (really sorry), and if you hated this peice and I have wasted your time. *clears throat* enjoy! ^_^

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"Dude that hurts man stop!" Alfred whined struggling to free himself from Ivan's iron grip on his arm. The russian gritted his teeth in annoyance yanking the blonds arm back to rest on the chair. "Gottverdamt Alfred! Hold still and stop being a pussy!" Ludwig hissed glaring at the blond. "But it _hurts_! You don't know how much it hurts!" the american protested, squirming. "Do you want to get infected?" the german growled. The american stopped moving but another sound of pain ecaped his throat as his arm was stitched. "And I do know. It doesn't hurt that bad. Your just being a pussy." Ludwig added as he continued stitching the wound.

"Those damn bastards..." Alfred began but quickly trailed off catching Ivan's glare. "There your done." said Ivan realeasing his grip on the american's arm. Alfred automatically started rubbing his sore arm where he was held. "How the hell did they get so strong? Theres so many now too. It seems everyones against us. But none of them can beat the hero!" Alfred began puffing his chest out in pride before Ivan elbowed him harshly in the ribs. "Hey what was that for?" He bagan, stopping to follow Ivan's gaze. Ludwig was putting the medical supplies away moving quickly. He gritt his teeth trying to block the americans words.

His vision was begining to blur. Feeling eyes on him he turned around to look at the others. "Im going to bed." he said aubruptly, no emotion in his voice, turning to leave. He left up the stairs leaving the two confused. Ivan had _never _seen the german man cry. Worried Ivan climbed up the stairs after him. He found Ludwig in the hallway leaning against his bedroom door running his hand through his hair. Seeing the russian he quickly stood up straight trying to wipe his tears. "Ludwig are, are you ok?" Ivan began shuffling his feet staring at the ground. Ludwig grabbed the doornkob uncomfortably shifting.

"Im fine." he said turning to leave, Ivan grabbed his shoulder. He turned back looking up at the russian's peircing violet eyes. "Ludwig" Ivan began a little gruffly "we'll get him back. I-I promise. W-" "How can you promise that? You can't! They're not coming back. They're as good as dead. I won't ever be able to see Gilbert again! Mein bruder..." the blond inturrupted hating the way tears flowed down his cheeks. He hated showing weakness in front of the larger man, but he hated himself even more for yelling at the russian who was trying to comfort him. He looked down guiltilly. Ivan stared at the german in front of him trying to find somthing to say.

He hated seeing tears split from his pale blue eyes. His eyes were usually so beautifull; deep sky blue that he thought would match the sky perfectly where his sunflowers grew. He couldn't do anything to comfort him. His brother was gone, captured by the enemy. The russian suddenly threw his arms over the german in a tight embrace. The blond accepted, wrapping his own arms around Ivan's neck, his energy too drained to fight it. He began to sink to his knees but Ivan held him tightly. "My bruder, he-hes g-gone." Ludwig sobbed into Ivan's shoulder.

"We'll find a way to get him back, I promise." Ivan whispered affectionatly running his fingers through the younger's blond hair. " I promise, my sunflower." "Sunflower?" Ludwig asked looking up at the russian, giving a weak smile. "Your hair, it reminds me of the petals, and your eyes, they look like the sky." replied the russian softly sounding far off, resting his chin on Ludwig's head. Ludwig felt his cheeks turn red, but he didn't care. All time seemed to slow as if they were the only ones in the world. He wanted to stay like this; held firmly in the comforting arms of the tall russian. To be frozen like statues...

Finally Ivan gently broke the embrace meeting Ludwig's eyes. They were so pale now, almost grey. The war had taken it's toll on the german. He was always so tired and stressed lately. He wouldn't even eat. It worried the russian to see him like this. Ivan always noticed that while around his older brother Ludwig would try not to look so stressed. No matter how much pain he was in he refused to show his hated the way Ludwig was falling apart at the seams and Gilbert never even noticed. Gilbert was gone; the russian never liked him but Ludwig always lit up around him. Gilbert kept Ludwig going. Ludwig kept Ivan going. That meant they had to get Gilbert back.


	2. Too Late

Gilbert stumbled forward, dragging Ludwig behind him as they ran. "Ludwig move your ass _now_!" he sreamed back at the clumsy german. A flash of bright light went off behind them, and they were tossed forward. Ludwig lay there in immoble pain his ears ringing from the explosion. His vision came in and out of focuse as he looked around the battlefield. For a moment, one fatal moment he just wanted to lay there. To sleep. He was so tired of fighting. Tired of running. Tired of being a monster. That was what it ment to be a soldier. He had unknowingly given himself this life. He was a fighter, but he didn't want to fight. His his head hurt as he franticly searched for his brother.

His face paled at the sight of his unconcious brother, blood matting his hair a cimson color as red as his eyes. A feeling of dread overcame him as he willed himself to crawl over to his brother, though he winced as he felt a burning sensation in his stomach, probably a broken rib. Ludwig felt Gilbert's palm and hope shot through his body as he felt a weak pulse. A weak one, but one nonetheless he was greatful. He quickly glanced behind them at the chaos of the battlefeild. Mangled bodies lay everywhere and he could here the cries of agony echo in his ears, the sound of bullets hitting flesh.

He had seen it before but he still got a sick feeling inside whenever he saw it. It brought back memories he wanted to forget. He wanted to close his eyes, to cover his ears. Yet a part of him said that this was only a glimpse of the causualties of war. That this was _normal_. Corpse, destruction, death. Blood. Ludwig hated it. Him, Ludwig hated it. The part of him that he could controll. Yet a part of him yearned for it; fed on it. A part of him wanted the power, the blood. That part was a monster. The one that made him make his past mistakes. He refused to let it controll him again.

They were being pushed back, losing. They needed to retreat. Fast. Now. Ludwig painfully stood up, an act that quickly made his head spin and fell right back down into the mud. "Gilbert!" he urged shaking the man none to gently. A soft groan of pain excaped Gilberts lips. "Come on." Ludwig said pulling Gilbert up and putting his arm over his shoulder. Ludwig tried best he could at helping the injured Prussian up when he himself was limping if ever so slightly. He looked ahead reasuringly. He could see his allie, but they were so far away. "Ivan! Alfred!" he shouted. Ivan turned his head to face Ludwig. His face looking of alarm.

Ludwig stood wide eyed as a shadow appeared next to his. He tried to turn but the unseen attaker struck at the back of his head, sending him to the ground, Gilbert along with him. Ludwig fought to scream out in angish as he was kicked harshly in the stomach, causing him to double over, still holding on to Gilbert tightly. Ludwig was unable to surpress a scream of pain as he was kicked in the head, a hot liquid running down his face. His vision doubled but he could make out Ivan and Alfred running toward him before being cornered by more enemy troops. He was drenched back into fear as he felt his brother being wrenched from his grip. He looked over only to find a boot in his face as he was kicked in the head again. He held on to Gilbert with what little strength he had, thrashing his legs to in a desprate attempt to fight.

He held tighter, his arm wrapped around Gilbert's unconcious body protectively. Gilbert was pryed from his grip and yanked out of his arms. "Gilbert! Nicht geben ihn zuruck bitte!" he Hissed german as he watched helplessly stunned and unnable to move. He rolled to his stomach dispite the pain trying to lift himself up. He was quickly forced back down as a boot cam down on his back. He glared up into the blue eyes of a French soldier, who smirked down at him. The man leaned down to face Ludwig. He looked over to Gilbert and then back to Ludwig. "Don't you **dare** touch him!" Ludwig spat at the man. The man only looked amused before a dark mist came to his blue eyes. "I don't think your in any position to tell me what to do." he growled in thick German.

The frenchman turned to his green eyed companion and spoke in a language Ludwig did not understand. He pointed to the unconciouss Gilbert and the man lifted him up over his shoulder. Ludwig stared in wide eyed horror as his brother was being taken. He rolled off his stomach and onto his back, causing the frenchman to fall over. The man bearly caught his fall and glared at Ludwig, who in return punched him in the face. The soldier recovered quickly from the blow and glared down at the German. "That wasn't very nice." he growled pinning Ludwig to the ground. "Fich bich."

"German filth!" the man snarled. He raised a gun to Ludwig's head. He looked into the eyes of the young german. The blue eyes stared back, not an ounce of fear. "Shoot me." he said his voice loud and confident. "Francis!" the green eyed man called impatiently. The man pointed a finger to new reinforcements arriving. The man, Francis, glared at Ludwig one last time before hitting him in the temple with the butt of his gun. The dazed german looked over seeing the two soldiers retreating, they still had Gilbert. Ludwig looked up at the grey sky. His vision coming in and out of focus. Violet eyes, Ivan. He was too late, Gilbert was gone. "Ludwig! Ludwig!" Ivan shouted. Ludwig didn't hear him. He closed his eyes and welcomed the folds of sleep into unconsciousness. Blissfull blackness...


	3. The Decision

Ludwig let out a sigh as the hot water ran down his back. His tense muscles started to relax. And his wounds started to burn with the hot water. He didn't mind the pain, that was the least of his problems. He stared down at the red water as it ran down the drain. He hated the color red. He hated the color. But _it, _it loved the blood. It the blood thirsty monster inside of him.'_Three days'_ he thought bitterly. He ran his hand through his hair and leaned agaist the shower wall.

_'Three FUCKING days! He's dead. My bruder is dying right now and Im in the damn shower. What kind of a bruder sits on his ass and does nothing? Gilbert wouldn't sit here if I was captured! Why couldn't I do anything? Why am I so weak and useless? I promise I'll find a way to help you or I'll die trying! I'll kill them all if I have to Gilbert.' _

_**Hate them.**_

_**Kill them.**_

_**Never alone.**_

He looked down at his clenched, shaking fists in anger and gritted his teeth. He reached outside the shower, blindly gropping for the towel hanging on the rack. He grabbed it, stepping out of the shower and began to dry his hair. He gave another angry sigh as he dried off his face. He had locked the door paying no attention to see if it was still locked, so he was completley caught off guard as he saw the figure standing before him.

"I-Ivan?" he stuttered. His mouth dropped at the sight of the russian who stared at him blankly as his eyes trailed down to take in his naked glory. His cheeks burned in anger and humiliation as he realized he was completly naked. "G-Get out! This is indecent!" he studdered using the towel to cover his member. The russian looked up at him with an innocent smile. "We're both men it's fine." the russian replied. "N-nein! It's not!" the geman stuttered. "I was just checking to see if you were ok." said Ivan stepping foward. "Im fine now get out!" Ludwig yelled blushing more, taking a step back. The russian shrugged and headed out the door as if nothing happened. He stopped at the doorfame and looked back at the german who was still blushing furiously. "Your very big." he commented. He left out the door not bothering to close it.

_'Im big?' _Ludwig thought still blushing. He couldn't help but to look down at the bulge in the towel below his waist.

Ludwig sat up. He couldn't sleep. He would think of his brother in the hands of the enemy. In the hands of that soldier, _Francis_. '_Oh gott I've got to get him back. He shouldn't be there right now, he couldn't even fight! It's my fault he's in there. He shouldn't be. He's not the weak one, he isn;t the one that lost! I am. It's not fair. I should be in there! I should be in there... a trade. Gilbert for me. If it's information they want, Im more valuable. Not that I'd tell them anything... maybe if I offered a trade, they'd let him go. If they won't that would give me an ecxuse for killing at least one of them anyways. But I couldn't tell them, especially not Ivan.' _His cheeks blushed at the thought of the russian and the day's earlier incident.

He began to get dressed, him being in only his boxers while he slept. He threw on a simple,thin, black shirt and some blue-jean shorts. He still wore his black cross. He grabbed a gun from his drawer and placed it in his belt. The door opened with a squeak. He winced as he saw the russian stir in his sleep. Every step down the stairs creaked under his feet.

Only a few more steps... drei...zwei...eins...

A figure came to stand in front of him, blocking the door. "Hey what are you doing up?" Alfred asked groggily. "I could ask you the same thing." Ludwig growled lowly. "Dude what's your prob? I was takin a piss, god!" the american justified unconciously glancing toward the kitchen. The german saw the connection, "Late night snacking _again_ are we?" he asked crossing his arms his brow slightly raised.

"N-no!"

"Your going to wake him up!"

"Oh Ivan?" the american asked sweetly grinning.

"Yes, Ivan!" Ludwig hissed through clenched teeth.

"Oh we _don't _want to wake him up?" Alfred asked innocently

"Bitte Alfred. Please don't." Ludwig pleaded

"Why are you up?" he repeated

"Don't worry about it and get back to bed."

"No, your up for a reason, and why are you dressed?" the americans eyes widened in horror as he realized the germans intentions."What the hell you DUMBASS! You think your gonna stroll over there and tell them to give him back? Do you think you can fight them? You can't Ludwig!" the american protested begining to raise his voice. "Shhhh! What part of _don't_ wake him up do you not understand?" "No! Fuck that Im wakin' him up! He needs to knock some sense into that damn head of yours!" Alfred yelled, no longer controlling his voice.

Alfred strode past Ludwig, before he felt the cold of metal on the back of his head. He froze and turned slowly to see a gun in his face. "No you won't. You will drive me to the border, and wait in the car. You will drive back once Gilbert comes out. With or without me." the german said coldly.

"Ludwig, you don't have to do this. we'll get him back, just wait ti-"

-_click_-

"Im sorry. I need my brother." Ludwig said looking down in shame. He was holding a gun to his own comrade, and friend's head.

"We have reinforcments on the w-"

"What if it was Matthew? What if it were _your _bruder out there? You woulldn't try to do the same?"

The blonde fell instantly silent.

"I-I... I'll help you." he said with a sigh of defeat.


	4. Message from BlackWolfOfBlueMoon

Well, hello fellow RusGer fanfiction lovers. I am aware that this is not an update chapter and I am sorry if I got anyones hopes up. I am sad to say, that this story may not be continued. I am experiencing a heavy case of writer's block and right now, due to my current life position, I do not have time to update as often as I would wish. However, I will be taking votes. The votes will be separated into 3 different catagories;

To continue, just go back and revise.

To discontinue, just trash.

Or to start over, and change the plot a bit.


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